Words All The Way Down

Inspired by the following prompt: [WP] You’re the priest of a “dark” god/goddess who’s not actually evil. They’re just so shy that they never established their own faith until you came along. You keep trying to explain this to eager weirdos who think your religion’s a murder cult and suspicious paladins of other gods.

The thump, thump, thump of the battering ram against the front doors echoed throughout the hall. Brandon shuffled from the room he’d claimed as a bedroom rubbing his eyes and straightening out his bathrobe. Between thumps, he opened the door and allowed this week’s angry mob to tumble in.

“Can I help you?”, he asked to the pair of paladins currently face down in the vestibule. The paladins abruptly rose, hands going immediately to their swords. Brandon contemplated the fastest way to get them out of the temple so that he could get back to sleep.

“We’re here to confront the cleric of this temple and free the village from this wretched hive of evil”, replied the paladin that had got to his feet first.

“Yeah”, corroborated the second, “where are you hiding the virgins!?”

Before Brandon could start to respond, the paladins brushed past him and started rummaging through the temple. Brandon yelled after them, “I’m the cleric! And, as for the virgins, we really don’t go for that sort of thing here. Really, this is all just a misunderstanding. Watch your step!”

At that moment, the faster of the two paladins, who had explored farther in the temple, tripped over a slightly raised stone paver and, while falling, pierced his hand on some old rusted wrought iron candle holders. His scream caused his companion to draw his sword and swing around towards Brandon, “You did this to him! You cursed him!”

“No, he just tripped”, replied Brandon. “Here, let me see his hand and we can discuss this like civilized people.” Shivering in the draft let in by the still open front door Brandon made his way to the paladin nursing his injured hand under the wary gaze of his companion.

Crouching down Brandon gripped the injured paladin’s hand, “My fair lady, blah blah blah, please heal this man”.

“We’re still working on the prayers too”, he added defensively. A holy light filled the room as the paladin’s wounded hand healed slowly.

Brandon explained, “We just moved in here a few weeks ago. All that dark magic business is from the old inhabitants. Please consider the healing a gesture of good faith.”

Skeptically, the paladin sheathed his sword. “You’re sure?”, he asked.

“Yes we’re very sure. You can come back in a week and check in if you’d like”, Brandon said as he ushered them towards the still open door.

“We will”, replied the paladin with the now healed hand. “Don’t go doing anything evil in the meantime, ok?”

“And no funny stuff with virgins either”, added his companion.

Brandon frowned. “Of course not. Now, have a good night.” And with that, he closed the door behind the two slightly confused paladins.

With a sigh, Brandon said aloud,“Fair lady, we really need to clean this place up sooner rather than later. I’m being woken up far too often to deal with these people.”